Everything Changed

•03/07/07 • Leave a Comment

So I have to leave this as it is, as a time capsule of expression, who I was for a dark and fleeting moment before emerging into the blinding sun.

Maybe this is you today. Maybe tomorrow you’ll be me yesterday. Maybe you are my next week. Maybe if I turned around and waved you’d see me in your memories.

-ambour001 out


End of the Beginning

•06/05/07 • Leave a Comment

And so I have begun. I have defined my goals in action, and will continue to define myself each day, as I explore what it is I am looking for and what I wish to share.



mostly sourced from here 


•05/05/07 • Leave a Comment

I avoided writing this post in light of the current atmosphere, World Press Freedom Day, you know… But then I thought within the dark space of my existence,

what better time?

There is a feeling being shared, and that is, Where is my freedom? Where is our freedom? Why aren’t we… ‘free’ yet? So I have done what I can to share the Lament of the Caged Spirit: Love ruled by Hate.


Continue reading ‘Freedom…’

Looking Up

•04/05/07 • Leave a Comment




My Sun is setting.

Taurean Sunset



all found here


•03/05/07 • Leave a Comment

Time Has No Meaning Anymore: No Sleep – Wintermute

“As I continue to think of my current state I slowly realize that I am no longer my present self. I become whoever I seek to be and definition of self begins to blur. It is in this state of mind that I feel free, for I gain the ability to truly let that which does not matter slide and focus only on the things that have real meaning in my life.

Time, as it is typically defined, no longer has meaning in this state,
for time is merely mans attempt to define something that he has no
control over because our time in this world is granted to us by a God
who transcends time.

Thus, time takes a more abstract form where my mind, body, and soul gain a true equilibrium and happiness is found in this current moment of my existence. It is then that I realize my place in this world and I am even more convinced that time has no meaning anymore.”

I hope he continues to lose sleep.

Fear of Death and Aggression – Philo Agora

… the main source of human anxieties and fear is the fact that we all subconsciously know that we are mortal…

… the desire to know the secret of man, can be through love but it can also result in an urge to power over another, with terrible cruelty and violence and physical violation as a result. Much like a child who in curiosity pulls the wings off a butterfly.

I believe this is a very important article. Though I, Ambour, personally am not new this this concept, having it spelled out so perfectly well is a pleasure to observe.

Man’s thirst for survival in the future makes him incapable of living in the present”. According to Buddhist philosophy life is a serious opportunity and a “precious and fragile” gift.

Yet we human beings, perhaps westerners in particular, have instead a “ defensive, controlling and fearful” quality, avoiding the “nakedness” of our souls and our vulnerability to decaying and death.

One argument stems from humans being too frightened to renounce ‘immortality systems’, such as religion, and another claims the plight is existential, yet rooted in ‘Adam and Eve’ psychology. It even presumes to understand the minds/souls of other animals, in traditional Monotheistic style.

… these affiliations are an attempt to overcome our existentialist anxiety that we have by reason of our self-awareness arising from when we were expelled from paradise and became aware of not really our own nakedness, but rather our separateness from each other. Or to put it another way, these affiliations are our way of overcoming that lack of unselfaware connectness enjoyed by animals with our world.

Yes, if only you were something decidedly less aware– or as so defined by the crazy, death-fearing humans.



•03/05/07 • Leave a Comment

My Feeds have done their work.

Why Beauty is Truth – Ian Stewart

I have read this entry and determined it worthwhile, engaging, and ultimately aiding me in my Search. He proposes a kind of sublime symmetry that pervades even science and math. Unfortunately, one has to read his book, and I don’t think there’s a .txt version for me. But still, there are quotes to share. Here (the first) he describes a kind of Shakespearean Mathematician.

And the person who made the key discoveries, a young Frenchman called Évariste Galois, led a dramatic and rather tragic life, dying in a duel over a woman at the age of 21.

A key figure here was Girolamo Cardano, a polymath and a scoundrel, whose life reads like a sensationalist soap opera.

As the structure of the book became clearer, I realised that it had to be a ‘people book’, centred on the historical figures and their lives.


Yes; Beauty is making more sense to me, now.


Relevant Article: Coding Like a Girl


She Walks in Beauty – Atherton Bartelby

This is a different kind of love affair; that between friends.

She walks in beauty, this Johanna woman. She has inspired so many words from me throughout the years that I have known her, been blessed with being her friend, and counted her creativity and her practical wisdom among the most treasured gifts of my life.

Extraordinarily driven, extemporaneously creative, and extremly attuned to the aesthetics of quotidian life, Johanna inspires every person she meets to love each day. I have lost count of how many times I have marveled at her sense of taste (food, wine, fashion, etc.), her attention to detail (the way two different fabrics in a single room work together, the way a single herb added to a dinner dish will change the dish’s entire flavor, the way a piece of life advice may be offered to a friend and, suddenly, everything seems so clear), and her genuine love of life.

This is a woman whose talents, creativity, and intuition extend far beyond any line item on her resume, any single detail one could glean from meeting her for the first time, or any drop of eloquently scented oil that she places, precisely, at the proper pulse points. This is a woman who knows aesthetics, who is creative enough to execute them, and who is intuitive enough to know if they will work with the person she is with at the time.

This is a woman who is ambitious, who is committed, and who finds it quite simple to make the lives of those around her better, be it by an intuitive back massage, by the lighting of the perfect scent of incense to enhance the mood of the evening, or by just being there; her simple presence makes each moment that much better.

This is a woman who is talented. This is a woman who is fashionable. This is a woman who would not only benefit from your institution’s program, but who would also take everything she learns from it, make it her own, and translate it into something wonderful for each client she assists in the future.

This is a woman who walks in beauty. And everyone who walks with her walks the same path.

So, beauty is to be celebrated, honored in death and gleaned from code. Beauty is everywhere, and only within the few who can hold it.


But I think what’s most alarming is this:

I now believe that Beauty is more powerful than God

Because God is defined by Beauty

My Artificial Sunrise

•03/05/07 • Leave a Comment